Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jacob's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, July 11th, 2004
1:04 pm	Addicted I heard you're doing okay.. But I want you to know.. I'm a dick.. I'm addicted to you.. I can't pretend I don't care when you don't think about me Do you think I deserve this? I tried to make you happy, but you left anyway.. I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you. But I want it. And I need it. I'm addicted to you. Now it's over. Can't forget what you said. And I never want to do this again Heartbreaker... Heartbreaker.. Current Mood: disappointed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
12:16 am	Boooorrrreeedddd...I hate my roommmates.... Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
9:48 pm	Wow Things are weird. I haven't really had the desire, or need, to update this thing in a long, long time, but now I have a reason to, I guess, and that reason is that things are, indubitably, weird. I've met a girl. I like her quite a lot, and she just wants to be friends. This is fine with me, like I said, I like her a lot and I'm happy that she trusts me enough to be frank with me. Some day, maybe, if I'm lucky. I have a feeling that anyone who has the chance to be with her is lucky. ^_^ I don't know what else to say, so I'll write later. Current Mood: weird (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 18th, 2002
8:21 am	Wash away the pain Leave behind the scars I remember the rain How we danced in the dark beneath the stars I remember love so hot That it burned a hole in my heart I remember you. I remember you. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
7:12 pm	~grins and waves~Heya everyone?..well, everyone includes the one or two people who actually read this thing. I'm happy today, with good reason I might add.~grins again, redundantly~Happy Fat Tuesday! Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Monday, February 11th, 2002
7:44 pm	Gods but it's been a while since I wrote in this thing. I guess I need to start again, get back into tIhe groove and yadda-yadda-yadda. Why does the world have to be so difficult sometimes? Institutions turn against you, society tries to fit you into their mold, is there really anything in the world that's sustaining? You'd be surprised at how many of my friends ask me that..I can't answer them..I'm not a bodhisvata(sp), an oracle or a prophet..All I can say is what I've seen in my life, and that is that love does last..sometimes, when it's true..it can bury itself deep in your heart..hiding among confusion and anger and pain, but it takes deep roots and doesn't die easily or quickly. That's all I've got to say right now. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 5th, 2001
2:03 pm	First new post in a while Thanks for the Christmas card. I don't wanna hear about your new job now I don't wanna hear about your new boyfriend I don't wanna hear about it all working out for you. No I don't wanna hear it now. I don't wanna hear about your swinging new place Don't wanna hear how everyone thinks it's great I just wanna sit in our apartment and hate you I will be hating you for Christmas. You can have the christmas tree remember when we bought it at the store down the street. remember when I found that cheesy colour wheel. I don't wanna think about your eyes or your white skin. I don't wanna think about last year at your dad's, You said it was the best sex that we both ever had I don't wanna think about my face in your soft hair. I must be losing my mind There's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain There's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain I wish that I could find a way to make you go away Yeah, I wish I could have a drink and make you pay I wish I could have a drink and make you go away I will be hating you for Christmas. Thanks for the Christmas card. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
2:03 pm	First new post in a while Thanks for the Christmas card. I don't wanna hear about your new job now I don't wanna hear about your new boyfriend I don't wanna hear about it all working out for you. No I don't wanna hear it now. I don't wanna hear about your swinging new place Don't wanna hear how everyone thinks it's great I just wanna sit in our apartment and hate you I will be hating you for Christmas. You can have the christmas tree remember when we bought it at the store down the street. remember when I found that cheesy colour wheel. I don't wanna think about your eyes or your white skin. I don't wanna think about last year at your dad's, You said it was the best sex that we both ever had I don't wanna think about my face in your soft hair. I must be losing my mind There's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain There's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain I wish that I could find a way to make you go away Yeah, I wish I could have a drink and make you pay I wish I could have a drink and make you go away I will be hating you for Christmas. Thanks for the Christmas card. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
2:03 pm	First new post in a while Thanks for the Christmas card. I don't wanna hear about your new job now I don't wanna hear about your new boyfriend I don't wanna hear about it all working out for you. No I don't wanna hear it now. I don't wanna hear about your swinging new place Don't wanna hear how everyone thinks it's great I just wanna sit in our apartment and hate you I will be hating you for Christmas. You can have the christmas tree remember when we bought it at the store down the street. remember when I found that cheesy colour wheel. I don't wanna think about your eyes or your white skin. I don't wanna think about last year at your dad's, You said it was the best sex that we both ever had I don't wanna think about my face in your soft hair. I must be losing my mind There's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain There's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain I wish that I could find a way to make you go away Yeah, I wish I could have a drink and make you pay I wish I could have a drink and make you go away I will be hating you for Christmas. Thanks for the Christmas card. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 12th, 2001
9:33 am	It's been a long time since I wrote something in this, but hey, I've been busy.~shrugs~Kinda. Not that any of you prolly really care. Anyway, life's as alright as its gonna get. I can't really complain, not without someone getting angry at me at least, so there's not much to put here. See ya. Current Mood: lonely (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 26th, 2001
5:51 pm	I need your help guys. I'm working on a new project, an on-line novel based on James O'Barr's The Crow and I'm kinda at an em passe. Mainly because I have two separate angles that I can work from. The first is a medeival Crow, a gypsy who's pagan wife was killed in Venice during the 11th century, and the second is a modern Crow, a motorhead who's girlfriend is killed by a vicious biker gang. Which should I write? Quote for the Day:"The man who first died on a cross like this was an innocent, so was the girl that you let die in these...very..halls. God didn't listen to either of them, so why then, should he listen to you, Padre?"-From the opening scene of the mideival Crow plot, tentatively titled, the Beating of His Wings. Current Mood: creative (Comment on this)
Friday, June 22nd, 2001
11:37 pm	Sometimes I feel like a ghost trying to knock at the front door. I love my friends, all of them, more than anything else in the world, and most, I feel, return that as best they can, but..well..a lot of them always make me feel like I'm the second choice, like there's always something more important in their lives that keeps them from having any time with me, and while I don't resent them their other friends and responsibilities, I'm kind of tired of being pushed aside. Oh well, I'm just going to start rambling, but this needed to be said nonetheless. Current Mood: frustrated (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 18th, 2001
7:20 am	Expectations Sometimes...it's never quite enough If you flawless then you win my love Don't forget to win first place Don't forget to keep that smiles on your face Be a good boy. Try a little harder. You've got to measure up. Make me prouder. How long, before you screw it up? How many times do I have to tell you To hurry up? With everything I do for you The least you can do is keep quiet Be a good girl You've gotta try a little harder That simply wasn't good enough To make us proud I'll live through you I'll make you what I never was If you're the best, then maybe so am I. Compared to him Compared to her I'm doing this for your own damn good You'll make up for everything I blew Whats the problem..why're you crying? Be a good boy Push a little farther now That wasn't fast enough To make us happy We'll love you just the way you are. If you're perfect. Current Mood: cold (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 17th, 2001
7:40 am	I feel so..loved right now. There's nothing like being forgotten to make you do that. As many of you know, it's Father's Day. It was also supposed to be my weekend to go down to my father's. He never showed, never even called. I hadn't bought him a gift, but I was going to take him out to dinner, or to a movie, or something between the two of us that we could bond over without my stepmother or her kids getting in the way, and he NEVER FUCKING showed up...I'm whining..I'm gone. Current Mood: disappointed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2001
10:48 am	Ya know, I never usually bother to get involved with political or sociological issues but, lately, there's something that's been weighing on my mind and I feel like I need to talk 'bout it. Censorship. It is, without a doubt, the stupidest thing I have ever, in my entire life, heard about. The idea that the government can limit the ways that you can express yourself physically sickens me. They tried it in ancient Rome, near the end, the Emporer issued a law stating that any sexual act that was implied on-stage in a play must be performed on-stage. He thought it would curb the incidence of "pornography" on stage. It didn't. It just made it "worse", and frankly, that's what the government's doing now, making it "worse". The more they crack down on "explicit lyrics" and violence on TV and video games, the more attention they draw to those things and, in case you haven't noticed, if you tell someone 'bout something and then say that they can't or shouldn't have it, nine times out of ten they'll want it. In any event, I'm not entirely sure what the big deal is anyway. Do they think that by removing curses, sex and violence from modern media they'll make our generation less violent, sensual and vulgar? Are they that stupid? If they want us to be model citizens, they should've forced our parents to actually raise us, they should have taught us to be responsible for our own actions, to not make excuses for the stupid, fucked up shit that we do. Marilyn Manson and Eminem wouldn't make me wanna kill people, only my lack of respect for the gift of life would do that~grumbles~Playing video games like Doom and an number of others(Joe has a more encyclopedic knowledge of first person shooters) do not a school massacre make. No, those're the work of pathetic little boys with absolutely no talent, few friends and several mild psychoses that see killing those around them as the only way to garner attention for themselves. You wanna find someone to blame for the tragedies of the last few years? Blame the kids who fired the first shots, and blame the parents that didn't raise them. Contrary to what many of you believe, the people do NOT respond to the music. The music responds to the people. Peace out. Current Mood: bitchy (Comment on this)
Friday, June 1st, 2001
6:34 pm	It's been a while since I wrote in this, but I just haven't had much to say. I miss Crystal so much that I'm about to go insane~sighs~I've been worrying 'bout Morgan, and Tammy, and Amy, and Joe and all my friends lately. Sometimes they feel so..distant..~sighs again~I love them all so much, and I feel like..I dunno...oh well...anyway..I've been weird today..kinda hectic..half-depressed..but happy too...tired as hell..I'm running on five hours of sleep, a hot shower and caffiene.~grumbles at his step-dad~Anyway, nothing much happening in my world. Hasta. Thought for the Day:"We are here, and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine"-H.L. Mencken. Current Mood: groggy (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
5:16 pm	Chains Sometimes by Jacob shelley Sometimes..I feel like I'm bound by chains so strong that I have no hope of breaking them Sometimes..I feel like a soldier who must fight on because he has no other choice. Sometimes..I get weary, though I don't know why. I want togive up, and step out of the Light. Sometimes..I look into your face and see only pain I miss what we have lost, and may never find again Sometimes..I want to say goodbye.. Again, another foul attempt at poetry, ignore it. Quote of the Day:"The greatest task which man can undertake is that of loving another so completely that he would destroy himself just to bring a smile to their face"-Me Current Mood: numb (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 21st, 2001
7:07 pm	Last Will I don't have many good qualities, I know this best of all, but what few I do have, I wish that I could give to my friends who need it most. Joe-I leave you my patience and my optimism, such as they are. I know how it feels to be far away from one you love, and these are the things you need to keep from going mad with lonliness. You'll be together again one day, never, ever forget that. Tammy-I would give you everything that is in my power to give, if it would make you happy, though I know it won't. All I can offer is my loyalty and friendship. You will always be in my heart. Morgan-You have a hard road ahead of you, but then, we all do. Of all the things that I have, what you need most is peace of mind. Don't regret your decisions, but learn from your mistakes. Crystal-I come to you last, who is never last in my heart. I have nothing to give you that anyone would find of any value, except my love, and trust, and those you will always have, for as long as I draw breath. "I met her at a party and I took her home She is the saddest girl that I have ever known She wakes me up in the middle of the night, Just to tell me everything will be alright Amy smiles at me and tells me everything will be alright, and I tell myself the same damn thing Everyday..." Current Mood: moody (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 17th, 2001
5:35 pm	I'm..alright today...Crystal's back..but things aren't mended with Tammy. She's one of my closest, dearest friends, and losing her scares the hell out of me. At the same time, it's made me realize something. The things that I used to think were important, aren't, and in my pride, and yes, I am a prideful person, I forgot that my friends, my loved ones, are what really matters. Not a simple matter of injured pride, or something as petty as jealousy. Tammy, if you bother reading this, I know that no apology will ever be enough, but I do love you, despite what you may think. Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Monday, May 14th, 2001
4:11 pm	Crystal In case all y'all out there who take the time to read my journal may have missed it, I'm in love with the sweetest, most wonderful human being in the world. Her name is Crystal. She..is just about everything that's really important to me...I love her with all of my heart and my soul and I just want her to know that. Sometimes I feel like I don't really tell her enough. Frankly, I don't feel like I deserve her at all, but she's all I really have. In case you're reading my journal, Crystal, I love you, and nothing will, ever, ever change that. Current Mood: loved (6 Comments |Comment on this)